Earlier this month Albury’s ‘The Border Mail’ news outlet published a piece on Albury’s gender gap.
This piece gave weight to a fact I have been arguing for years! There is of course, a serious man drought on The Border! As a seasoned veteran of that particular love market in my early 20’s (during a time of questionably greener pastures?!) I wrote the following for all the single ladies who have their nearest “city centre” in the Albury / Wodonga vicinity. You can think of it as my little public service to you all by way of combatting this loveless epidemic. We all know that sharing is caring and well, I’m kind like that. After all, I recognise that we’re not all blessed with a full sea of fish to choose from (or even a healthy pond for that matter).
So here are 8 tried and true tips for surviving the Border’s man drought…. and avoiding those lonely nights in June… and July, August and September for that matter.
- Ladies, all the ladies…mark these words: utilise your home ground advantage when practical & stack the odds in your favour.
Albury is a great tourist spot for end of season footy trips for local Melbourne clubs. Make use of popular times of the year for visiting clubs and schedule your social life accordingly.
- Don’t venture south unless you’re willing to travel the odd 350 kms to Melbourne via the Hume Hwy. Those who have been on this journey before know for a fact that any trips to Wangaratta (or worse still Benalla) will either be fruitless or result in further heartache, babes. All the best blokes were snapped up by local girls during first round offers years ago…
- Thirdly and perhaps most importantly DO NOT be afraid to don your visitors guernsey. Wear your ‘away sash’ with pride. Travel and spread your wings. If the love of your life was guaranteed to live within a 5km radius Tinder wouldn’t be free. That shit sells…
- Mix it up by alternating venues… if you were on a fishing trip would you want to stick with catching from the same school when previously you’d only caught guppies? I think not… And on that note too think like a fisherman too…the more hooks you throw out there means more chances of a nibble.
- If he (your love interest or significant other) has two mobile phones… mark my words… he has multiple women and you are being played. Press block and delete and spare yourself from a reign of tyranny that only seeks to destroy your heart.
- If you are a single woman thinking of moving to ‘The Border’ and hoping to set up a love nest… don’t. Farmers don’t purchase new herds in a drought. It doesn’t make for greener pastures.
- Look outside your friendship group. We don’t urinate in our water supply for a reason… (it may turn sour). And legend has it the Termo went up in smoke following a jilted lover being betrayed. No one wants to see a great weekend destination ruined by such an ill thought out step.
- Sweethearts!! The name is as deceptive as the old food they serve. You’re going to regret and second guess anything from here that ends up on your lips.
Finally, good luck ladies. You will bloody well need it. From someone who has been there before, I don’t envy you. But I’ve heard a few happy tales from Chapel St Melbourne if it helps…
In solidarity sisters. Good luck in love. Xx
Naomi Fryers | The Suburban Wedgie